


Seducing your (un)friendly potion master

by Hisana



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Attempted Seduction, Crack, Fluff and Humor, Humor, M/M, Seduction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2018-12-28
Packaged: 2019-09-29 11:42:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17202812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hisana/pseuds/Hisana
Summary: After Severus Snape sends him flying through the wall in duelling club, Gilderoy Lockhart realizes he's finally found the perfect mate. Now, Snape may seem reticent but Lockhart know he's just being shy and really, who can resist someone as devastatingly handsome as the winner of Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile three times in a row?





	Seducing your (un)friendly potion master

**Author's Note:**

> Fill for a kinkmeme prompt:  
> https://hpkinkmeme.dreamwidth.org/870.html?thread=15206#cmt15206
> 
> After the duelling incident, Lockhart decides Severus Snape is, pretty much, the ideal man. It doesn't matter that Severus isn't handsome - Gilderoy is handsome enough for both of them, as well as twenty or so other men that might pass them by. It doesn't matter that Severus seems not to like him - everybody likes Gilderoy, really.
> 
> All Gilderoy needs to do is mount a seduction.
> 
> Snape, for his part, is a mix of angry, indignant and absolutely perplexed, and is doing his best to avoid any contact with Gilderoy - the man is utterly incompetent in every way, and a handsome face can't make up for everything.
> 
> But...
> 
> Well. It is *quite* a handsome face.
> 
> This is definitely a cracky prompt, so take it wherever you want, honestly!

Gilderoy was pretty shaken after that spell that sent him flying against the wall of the duelling classroom, but he was quite sure the feeling of light-headedness and the butterfly fluttering in his stomach were not due to a concussion. Well, mostly not due to a concussion, he corrected himself, after a short bout of dizziness when he tried standing up. No, what he was feeling was most certainly love, the wonderful and delicious sentiment of having finally found his perfect mate in the person of the dark and gloomy potion master.

The man may not be handsome, with his hooked nose and long, greasy hair but Lockhart was not the kind of man to go against his heart’s desire. Snape was his soulmate and he would seduce him.  
Now that this was settled, he had to decide how to sweep Snape off his feet. The man didn’t seem like he was very interested in the things of love at all but Lockhart had faith in his seductive ability. Who could resist his devastatingly charming smile (as voted by Witch Weekly magazine… five times). With that in mind, he decided to jump into action.

  
He noticed that while he was rummaging on his newly discovered crush, Snape had already separated students into pair and ordered them to start duelling. He found that incredibly sexy. Really, Gilderoy loved a swift and strong man and this only strengthened his resolve to charm him. He stood up from the wall he was still slumped against and cleaned himself off with a quick spell before moving on to the other side of the room, where Snape was standing, sneering at a young Hufflepuff who had just been hit by a pretty vicious curse. To an uninformed observer, this could look cold and cruel, but Lockhart knew that this was just a façade put on for the rest of the world. Deep inside, Snape cared very much about his students and being a raging asshole was just the only way he knew how to express those feelings.

This was how he was going to start wooing Snape, Lockhart decided. Make use of his own manly charm and show Snape how deeply he understood him. He walked briskly towards Snape, leaving only a few inches between the two of them. He ignored the weird look Snape was giving him, the potion teacher was clearly feeling overwhelmed, getting to stand so close to a man as wonderful and brilliant as himself, the Great Gilderoy Lockhart, recipient of the Order of Merlin third class, winner of most charming smil-… Wait he was losing sight of his goal here. Seduction. Right. He was here to swipe Snape off his feet. He planted his hand firmly on the wall behind Snape, effectively trapping him against the cold stone. He approached, dazzling smile on his lips and murmured into Snape’s ear.

“I always found a considerate teacher to be a very attractive thing”

The silence in the room was deafening. Every student had stopped firing curses at each other to better observe the truly bizarre scene unfolding in front of them. The potion teacher was clearly shook, getting increasingly pale and not saying a word. The emotion, probably.

“Bloody hell! Did Lockhart just break Snape?” exclaimed a voice, breaking the tension in the room.

“Oh my god, Ron shut up! Don’t you see this is a very romantic moment, I can’t believe you would interrupt that” That was Lavender, who was clearly fawning over the scene with Parvati.

“Romantic?! How is this ROMANTIC? He pushed him against a bloody wall?”

“You clearly don’t know anything about romance! He was confessing his forbidden love, how beautiful!”

“Yes! Although I wasn’t expecting Lockhart to go after Snape, but I guess there aren’t that many dateable teachers in Hogwarts” continued Parvati.

“Well, clearly this was gonna be Snape or Dumbledore and really, Snape isn’t so bad, I bet if he started washing his hair, he probably would go from a 2 to like a 5”

Lockhart was completely oblivious to the ruckus around him and just kept hovering over Snape, looking devastatingly handsome. He could see Snape’s eyebrow had started twitching and his hand was grasping at his wand. Lockhart internally high fived himself, his move TOTALLY worked there, Snape was so completely seduced, he was at a loss for word! He decided to angle himself in for a kiss when he felt himself go stiff.

“Stupefy” gritted Snape, pushing Lockhart off him and walking over him, making sure to step on his fingers on the way. “This session of the duelling club is now over. You have five minutes to leave the room before I start docking you all points.  
Damn, thought Lockhart, he really is forward! I thought he’d be more of a wait till the third date kinda guy.

The next morning, Lockhart was sporting a black eye and a lot of bruises but also a very bright smile. Snape was being coy and playing hard to get, actually punching him in the nose when he tried kissing him after the students left yesterday. Kinky. He was guessing Snape wanted him to put in the work and didn’t want yet to show how taken he was. Well, Lockhart was going to whip out the heavy artillery, he was going to make Snape swoon. First, he needed a way to spend more time with the potion teacher. Luckily for him, immediately the next day, Dumbledore asked the teacher to walk their students everywhere and Lockhart latched on the opportunity to be stunningly dazzling around Snape.

“-and then I stunned the ghastly ghoul from one hand while effortlessly rescuing the young children that it kidnapped in its grimy cave. As I went to stupefy it, it managed to escape, trembling in fear in front of my magnificent aura, but I had to protect the children you see, so I decided against pursuing the creature and…”

Around them, the students were entranced by Lockhart’s epic tale and he could see them whispering in awe of his magnificence.

“10 sickle that Snape cast Silencio on him before we reach the stairs”

“Silencio? Are you crazy, 20 says he’ll Avada Kedavra him ! Did you see how his eyebrow is twitching??”

“Mr. Smith... Twenty points from Hufflepuff for mindless chattering.”

Oh, how cute! Snape was being embarrassed by the students gossiping about their ongoing courtship. Under all that glowering and icy gaze, Severus was terribly shy, Lockhart could tell !

“Oh Severus, do not be so harsh on them, it must be quite a sight, to see their two favourite teachers flirting like that in the corridors” He laughed brightly “We should probably tone it down, we would not want to end up on the cover of Witch Weekly quite yet!” As he said that, Snape glowered at him even harder.

 

The potion master was losing patience with Lockhart and was wondering how he could make the idiot quit. Ever since the dueling club, Lockhart had been constantly in his shadow, sending him seductive winks across the teacher’s table at breakfast and following him to his classroom everyday, “to protect him from the evil creature lurking in the castle”. As if Snape wasn’t a million times more competent than that blundering fool. Still, it was kind of amazing to see how far a pretty face could take even the most useless imbecile and did he actually think that Lockhart was pretty?! Oh Merlin. He was clearly spending too much time in close proximity of the man if he was starting to think of him as pretty. At last, he finally reached his classroom and as soon as the last student got inside he slammed the door in Lockhart’s face as he was monologuing about the latest article Witch Weekly had ran about him and really, being the most eligible wizard bachelor was pretty flattering but he would not mind losing this title, if Snape was catching his drift. For the first time in all his years as a Potion Master, Snape was actually glad for the distraction provided by his class. Even if they were incompetent idiots, he could at least pass his nerve on them and dish out some detentions if they were getting too aggravating. His only recourse with Lockhart would probably be to curse him, and even then, he would probably only think this was a positive response to his flirtations .

On Monday, Snape was almost humming as he entered the Great Hall, not even caring one bit about his reputation as a cold and menacing bastard. The rest of the week had passed without any other Lockhart incident and Snape dared to hope that the man had given up on his seduction. Maybe he had found some other target. Maybe it was Minerva. Merlin, he prayed it was Minerva. She would probably transfigure him into a toad and dump him into the Great Lake. It would be glorious. He went to sit down at the teacher table, still daydreaming all the wonderful ways Minerva could dispose of that fool Lockhart and as a result, he failed to notice the disbelieving looks he was getting from the other teachers at the table. He reached for the Daily Prophet laying on the table and opened it while taking a sip of his tea, which he then promptly spat out on the paper as he saw a picture of Lockhart winking and grinning at him on the cover, next to a picture of him glowering, god knows where they had gotten that one, adorned with the title :

 

“GILDEROY LOCKHART’S SECRET LOVE AFFAIR?!”  
-By Rita Skeeter

“Gilderoy Lockhart, recipient of a third class Order of Merlin, adventurer, writer, teacher and most eligible wizarding bachelor in England about to finally tie the knot? This seems to be what our informers down at the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry believe! For some weeks now, the celebrity turned school professor has been having a torrid liaison with fellow teacher Severus Snape. When reached for a comment about his intention towards the potion master, Mr. Lockhart said that this romance was still very new and Mr. Snape, not yet used to the spotlight as he was, had wanted to keep things quiet.  
“In truth, I am glad the cat is out of the bag, The wizarding public deserved to know” declared Mr. Lockhart to this reporter.  
The pupils of the two teachers have expressed their delight at this acknowledgment of the relationship:

  
“Frankly, we were all expecting it ! After that showdown in the dueling club, the UST was obvious” -L.B., 2nd year Gryffindor  
“With all the nargles floating around, I am not surprised at all ! ” -L.L. 1st year Ravenclaw  
“This was not the kind of mental image I needed in my life, I hate you for making me think of these two like that” -P.W., 6th year Gryffindor  
“Don’t you have any real news to report on?!”-H.G., 2nd year Gryffindor  
The Daily Prophet addresses all his best wishes to the two lovebirds and don’t forget us on the wedding invitation!”

 

That was it. Snape was gonna murder Lockhart. He’d go to Azkaban, he didn’t even give a damn anymore, he would completely annihilate the bloody wanker. He was getting lost in thought when he heard the soft, amused, voice of the headmaster next to him.

“Why Severus, I had no idea your relationship to Lockhart was quite that intimate yet ! I do wish you had told me rather than let me find out through the Daily Prophet...”

Snape felt his hand twitch around his wand. The headmaster had the balls to actually sound disapproving, as if Snape had voluntarily retained this information from him and he should have come giggle about Lockhart’s courting around a Lemon Sherbet with Dumbledore. He was in the middle of planning a mass Obliviate on the whole castle when Lockhart entered the room brightly, carrying a massive bouquet, followed closely by a herd of glittering fairies. He stopped in the middle of the Great Hall and held out a golden parchment that he started to read from.

“SONORUS Dear students and fellow Hogwarts teacher. It may have come to your attention that I, the Great Gilderoy Lockhart, was dating Severus Snape, potion teacher. I know the rumors have been floating around for some time now and that it why I decided to set the matter straight, well, not entirely straight as Professor Snape and I are both men, but you got my gist.”

Looking satisfied with himself, Lockhart rolled back the parchment and tucked it in his sleeve. He then leaned over Snape on the breakfast table and thrusted the massive bouquet he was holding in the potion master’s hand, his fingers lingering on Severus’ own.

“I hope you will forgive me my forwardness my love, but I belong to the public before anything else, I couldn’t keep this information from my fans any longer. They need to know that I no longer am a free man, you made me a prisoner to your eyes.”  
Merlin save him, for a fraction of a second, Severus felt his heart skip a beat. Because of the shock. Probably because of the shock. Definitely NOT because of the idiotic prat’s smile. Then Lockhart lifted Severus’ hand towards his mouth and was about to kiss it and this most definitely woke Severus up.

In a second he had hexxed Lockhart to the ceiling and he was contemplating whether it’d be worth the disappointed looks from Dumbledore if he were to just turn that giant glittery idiot into a disco ball. He could probably spin it as a way to improve the mood of the castle after all that drama about petrification. He decided to take the middle road and just made Lockhart shoot up rainbow from his mouth every time he opened it. There. The man wanted to make his big coming out, Snape was just helping adding some… flourish to it.

As he was walking back to his chambre this evening, Snape was already dreaming about the bottle of 20 year old Firewhiskey waiting for him there. He was not usually one to drink but after today, he felt he deserved at the very least that for not setting fire to the whole castle and moving to Venezuela. Lockhart’s pursuit of him had not waned and he even felt as if it was growing stronger with every rejection. Just yesterday, he had unleashed a squadron of fairies that followed Snape all around the castle and had only given up pursuit when he picked one of them to use during a Third Year potion class. It also had the added benefits of making one of the Hufflepuff cry but also earned him a trip to the Director’s office and a lecture on appropriate gesture of affections. Yes, he’d pour himself at least one glass of Firewhiskey before sitting in his most comfortable armchair with the latest potion journal and marking all the errors he’d see, this would most definitely cheer him up. He was already writing the correction letter he’d send to the journal in his head.

“Dear Editor,  
The Corrected Recipe for Sleep Draught you published in your pages this month is truly appalling. Even a first year student would know that the so called amelioration of the draught offered by Professor Grayworth would result in unwanted side effect in a sleep draught…”

As he was approaching his chambre, he couldn’t help but notice that something felt wrong. The sense of dread only grew when he arrived in front of the door and he noticed the overpowering smell of sandalwood and roses coming from inside.  
Hexxing Lockhart wasn’t his original relaxing evening plan but it’d have to do for the moment, he thought. He violently opened his door and growled

“Lockhart. I thought I was clear about never seeing your pretty face again. You have two secon… Is that a bottle of champagne on the table.”

“YES MY LOVE. A MERE TOKEN OF MY AFFECTION. THE BEST CHAMPAGNE FROM FRANCE” shouted Lockhart from the… was he in the bedroom Merlin Almighty? He was far too tired to deal with this bullshit. Or sober. He wasn’t sure. He grabbed the bottle of champagne and took a big swig. There. At least, one of the problems would be taken care of.

Warily, the champagne still in hand, he approached his bedroom. With his foot, he pushed the door open and he immediately turned back out. Definitely too sober for this kind of shit.  
On his bed, wearing nothing but a glittery bow on his penis, laid Lockhart, a rose between his teeth and wiggling seductively his brows at Snape.

“Don’t be shy Severus my love ! We are about to be married anyway, it’s only proper that we celebrate our engagement”

At that, Snape took another swig of the champagne bottle. Damn, that was some good booze. It was at least as good as the Firewhiskey that he had planned for this evening. Lockhart may be an idiot but still, he had good tastes. And well, he wasn’t half bad to look at, Snape had already admitted as much to himself. And it had been quite some time since the last time he … relieved pressure… with someone. Being a double agent, a full time potion professor and a researcher left little time for any kind of personal fun. What the hell. Everyone seemed to already be sure he was actually engaged to Lockhart, might as well enjoy it.  
With that thought, he went back to his bedroom and with a few quick spell he locked his chambers and the bedroom doors.

“You better make it worth my while Lockhart. After all that ruckus you made I have… expectations”

“Oh darling, you should know I never disappoint”

And with his trademarked dazzling smile and a quick wand movement, Lockhart had undressed him and removed the bow. Alright then. This could actually be a fun night.


End file.
